I first encountered a cougar about a year ago. She was crying and tipsy, chain-smoking while trying to flag down a bartender.
"My friends left me," she said in my general direction. "My first time out in years, and they disappear."
I took a good look at the cougar. She was beautiful, in her 40s, taut and well-dressed. Maybe a little too well-dressed. I was waiting for a friend, and so kept this cougar company -- until a short, unattractive rockabilly dude showed up and practically pushed me out of the way. My cougar perked up. This local bar -- her hunting ground -- was suddenly peopled with prey.
But Ilona Paris, author of "Hot Cougar Sex," doesn't see the relationship between older women and younger men as one of predator/prey. Rather, she sees such relationships as positive couplings, chances for older women to get it on with someone more energetic than the old fogies they're usually expected to hook up with -- and her book is full of frank, forthright stories of those hookups.
Here's what I learned; I'm filing it away for future reference.
So, how would you define a cougar?
She's 40-plus, give or take some years. She's someone who's very accomplished in her life. She's in great shape. And I think she's very empowered.
What should cougars be looking for? How are they finding these hookups?
In a lot of cases, they kind of present themselves. I think if you're looking for someone younger, you need to be open. You never know when they're going to come around. You might be better off finding someone in areas you might frequent. It could be in an office.
What about your expectations? When I went out with younger guys, I always had to pay.
Expect that you might have to go dutch. Expect that you may refer to things, and they might not be familiar with it because they weren't born yet. But you can expect great sex. I think you can have some fresh conversation. He might be interested in going out dancing, he might be interested in going out to a rock concert.
What do you think of cougar bars?
I hate those things. I think they're disgusting, but you know, it is what it is. I like it to be more the whole cougar relationship with the cub -- energizing, as opposed to being a predator.
What is the most surprising thing that has come about from this book?
The most surprising thing is that I am getting men who are contacting me and saying they love the book. ..... I thought this was going to be strictly chick lit. I haven't been getting as much response from women as from men. I think (women) like it -- I think American women are a bit afraid of embracing their sexuality or their juiciness.
When I sign books, I say enjoy your inner cougar and let it growl.
Stalking Grounds
We asked our users about the best cougar bars in town:
Lulu's Restaurant & Cocktails
8487 Union Chapel Road, www.lulusindy.com.
Ike & Jonesy's
17 W. Jackson Place, www.ikeandjonesys.com.
Smee's Place
1454 W. 86th St., (317) 876-0202.
Bella Vita Ristorante
11699 Fall Creek Road, www.bellavitaatthemarina.com
