Cougars uncaged

Cougar mauling photo illustration. Models: Max Engling, and Melissa Hickey. Hair by Katie Buken and Britney Cooper from Aveda Fredrics Institute. Makeup by Kiralee Hubbard of Eye Max Makeup (Credit: Michelle Pemberton / Metromix)

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Cougar culture

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Are you trying to seduce us, Mrs. Robinson?

Stalking grounds: best cougar bars in town

The unlikely scene is a strip-mall bar in Fishers on a Thursday night. Pop music from the ’80s and ’90s reverberates through the smoky interior, camouflaging a palpable wave of nerves. This is Singles Night at Bently’s — and until recently, it was known as Cougar Club.

“F--- yeah,” Maria Spencer growls when asked if she considers herself a cougar, taking a sip from her frosty raspberry martini. “I like them young!”

Spencer is clad in a body-conscious black top; her hair has a decided red glow to it in the dim light. Her friends, Sara Daggy (a young “cougar-in-training”) and Melanie Trendelman, all sitting at a big main table, energetically echo her sentiment.

Recently, Trendelman, 40, hooked up with a 30-year-old man at cougar night. He wore a shirt that said “Cougar Worthy” — and the back had clawlike rips.

“You get to train them,” she says of younger men.”

“They last longer,” Spencer adds, as the women laugh heartily.

The term “cougar” — slang for an experienced woman who prefers younger men — has been around for at least 10 years, according to New York City-based lexicographer Grant Barrett, who wrote a column about the word in 2007. A Canadian Web site, cougardate.com (which bears a copyright date of 2000), is given credit for the term, though it likely became popular in 2001 thanks to a book called “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.”

Since then, these mature ladies who lust after younger men have had several more books, “Saturday Night Live” skits (“The Cougar Den”), TV shows and movies — and even their own national convention and pageant — dedicated to their exploits. On Sept. 23, ABC will premiere “Cougar Town,” starring Courteney Cox as divorced, successful career woman on the prowl.

But what exactly is a cougar?

Ilona Paris, author of the 2008 book “Hot Cougar Sex,” describes a cougar as “40-plus, give or take some years. She’s someone who’s very accomplished in her life. She’s in great shape. And I think she’s very empowered.”

Yet the term isn’t without its detractors.

“From a feminist perspective, I have mild objection to the title ‘cougar,’” said Jennifer Drobac, an Indiana University School of Law at Indianapolis professor who focuses on family law and women in the law. “I hate to be catty — technically, it’s not very complimentary. It’s very predatory, much more animalistic and sexual, which I think is a bit myopic.”

Shannon Slinker, who’s just “toeing the line of 40,”says she prefers the term cougar to its more passive counterpart, MILF. To Slinker, a cougar is “a hot, sexy, independent woman who knows what she likes and gets what she wants.”

For her, 23 is the magic number for a boyfriend’s age. She has dated men her own age, but found herself bored — and insulted by men who rattled on ad nauseam about themselves.

Younger men, she decided, are where it’s at.

“Besides being so pretty — they really are so pretty — I think they try harder,” she said. “And I really do think it is sincere.”

Plus, the commitment level is something Slinker, who’s been married twice before, can handle.

“I’ll probably never get married again,” she said. “The younger guys know that there’s probably not a shot in hell that we’ll get married. This way, there’s no threat of someone trying to push me into marriage.”

The former Cougar Club at Bently’s started about six weeks ago and is held every other Thursday, starting around 7 p.m. Organizer Mindy Winkler changed the name to be all-inclusive — for men and women of all ages.

“We didn’t want to alienate anyone,” Winkler said. At 38, she is technically a puma, or a cougar-in-training.

On a recent Thursday, Sydney Stephenson, a former Colts cheerleader, was scoping out the crowd. At 44, she’s in better shape than many 20-year-olds — and her jeans, which must be a size 4 — hug her graceful curves.

“To me (a cougar) is an independent, established woman. ‘Independent’ is the operative word. You have a double standard,” she said. “I don’t think that’s fair.”

Younger men, Stephenson says, are more spontaneous. As for being able to relate to a man who’s substantially younger? It depends. “There are some men my age who are very immature. Some younger men are ambitious and already established.”

Andrea Nelson’s daughters call her a cougar, even though she doesn’t consider herself one. Nelson will be 50 next year, and while she doesn’t chase younger men, she is amenable to their pursuit of her. She and her friend are quietly sitting at the island bar at Bently’s, sipping drinks and surveying the small crowd. She didn’t come specifically for Cougar Club. Actually, when she found out the night was once designated as such, she cracked wise.

“I said, ‘MCL has half-price that night. I’m busy.’”

Nelson doesn’t have a problem with dating younger men or with the term cougar. She dated a man 17 years younger than herself and only saw the age difference when they argued.

“There are old souls, and there are people who are young at heart,” she said. “I am in my prime sexually. I want someone who can keep up.”

But not all young men want to spend their stamina on older women. Tom Kite, 25, thinks the cougar phenomenon is “hilarious,” but wouldn’t date a cougar unless she was fit. Really fit.

Kite has been hit on by cougars in the past, including one who offered to turn him and his twin brother into “made men.”

They demurred, but Kite says hindsight is 20/20. “The amount of money she has, it would be hard to say no now,” he said. “I was still innocent enough to think that was disgusting.”

Despite being a popular target, he has never hooked up with a cougar. “Unless I was broke, I definitely would not,” he said. “I don’t have a thing for older women. I figure I’d rather date a younger girl.”

Maybe he just needs a few years. Back at Bently’s, Paul Christiansen, 40, and his cousin Kord Christiansen, 38, are celebrating Paul’s birthday. Although they’re out of the cub age range, they can appreciate the cougar’s attitude.

“God bless them. What are they supposed to do, stay at home all the time?” Paul says. “They’re more determined for a good time.”

Cougars, Kord says, get an A for effort.

“Girls are staying in shape. They’re sexier now at an older age,” he said. “You can tell they’re really working at it. And that is appealing.”